Grounding
by ofMindandHeart
Summary: After his fight with Adonis, Beast Boy panics about the possible side effects of the serum. Raven talks him down. Oneshot. Fluff.


Beast Boy woke suddenly, heart pounding erratically. _Must be a side effect of the drugs Cyborg used counteracting the serum_ , he thought. By the time they handed Adonis to the police, it was the dead of night. Then, even using the tower's supercomputer, it still took hours for Cyborg to isolate the serum properties and produce an antidote that covered _most_ of its effects. Needless to say, he'd gone to bed late.

Now dawn was breaking, and Beast Boy stumbled out to the main room to quietly rewatch Clash of the Planets. He squinted in the glare of the screen, thinking. _What happens if someone else was injured because of me? Or if evidence turns up that I'm responsible for what happened to Raven? I have no memories from when I was the Beast. I could have done anything. There's no way for me to know._

Robin had made it clear if anything happened he'd be off the team. His outburst last night confirmed it. If anyone, civilian or hero, had suffered even the smallest injury because of him … He'd be kicked out of the tower. Lose the trust of his friends. Lose his home. He suddenly imagined their looks of disapproval, the judgmental, uncaring stares. Deep down he felt his chest tighten. _I'd deserve it._

Beast Boy snatched up the remote, switching to the game console and loading Mega Monkeys 4. He didn't need to think about this right now. Just relax. Nothing to worry about.

 _But the antidote was only ever going to be partially effective._ Cyborg's formulation last night had been half hazard at best. There were too many variables, with unknown side effects of both the serum _and_ the concoction of chemicals Cy had forced down his throat at 3am. And his body tended to react strangely to drugs – shapeshifting to creatures with different metabolisms could do that. There was no guarantee that he wouldn't change into the Beast again. It could happen any time. And there was no way for him to know it was happening. He wouldn't even remember if it did…

On impulse he dropped the controller and left the tower, headed to the rocky outcrop by the water's edge. Just to clear his head, he told himself. Just to keep himself a little bit further from his teammates. Just in case.

He paced the short stretch of shoreline, his steps quick and jittery. Should he have locked himself in the hospital ward? Run more tests? Maybe if he stayed there long enough, the sensors could catch his vitals just before he shifted against his will, and then they'd be able to predict…

No. No. No. He was in control. See? In control. He morphed into a lion, continuing to prowl across the rocks.

He'd always hated hospitals. Ever since the morning he woke up with pain in every part of his body, machines beeping in the background, to look down and realize his skin had turned _green_. The smell of disinfectant and the look on his parents' faces when they saw what the treatment had done.

But it wasn't going to be necessary. He didn't need any more tests, because he was in control. He morphed again. A black and green stallion cantered across the shore.

"Beast Boy?"

His ears instinctively flicked towards Raven's voice, but he didn't turn around. She must have followed him out to the beach, but he didn't want to talk right now, to her or to anyone.

Instead of facing her, Beast Boy turned into a seagull, and then into a pelican for the wider wingspan. He flew out over the ocean, diving into the waves a few times to try to clear his head.

The sensation of the water flowing over his head felt distant, muted, as though it was happening far away. He knew his heart was pounding, but the feeling was dulled, almost outside his awareness.

That scared him. Why couldn't he feel his limbs? What was wrong with him? His flight grew erratic and one webbed foot smashed into a metal buoy. A line of blood dripped from his leg.

 _Why couldn't he feel the pain?_ It was there, but his awareness of it was incredibly faint. What was happening? The feeling of panic intensified.

Dimly, he noticed a dark shadow speeding towards him across the water. The shadow collided with him and a voice echoed in his mind.

 _ **Beast Boy, it's me. I'm here to help.**_

Raven must have projected her soul self to him to talk with him telepathically. His panic heightened. Raven was an empath, but she hardly ever used her powers like this. _If things are bad enough that Raven is projecting to me then things are really, really bad._

He shifted again, aiming for a sandbar nearby, but he misjudged the distance and slipped beneath the surface, flapping frantically.

 _ **Beast Boy, you need to pick a shape. Trust me.**_

After a few long moments of unsettled continuous shifting, he settled into the form of a sea turtle.

 _ **Right now you're stressed, and your mind is reacting to that. You need to ground yourself in your body. Focus on the feel of the water on your fins.**_

He nodded, even though he wasn't sure she could see or feel the motion, not sure whether nodding as a turtle meant anything, really.

 _ **Name four things you can see.**_

 _Water. Metal buoy. Barnacles on the bottom of the buoy. Some floating trash._ His thoughts were still fast, frantic, as he spun quickly in the waves.

 _ **Now focus on your body, ground yourself. Be aware of your own skin.**_

With some effort, he forced himself to stop moving, concentrating on the feel of the current across his gills, against his flippers. Slowly, the panic began to drain out of him. His heart still thudded in his chest, but now he could _feel_ it, as his awareness of his surroundings gradually returned.

 _ **Good.**_ Raven's voice echoed softly in his head.

Part of him felt embarrassed, and he considered attempting to cut off her link before she could judge him anymore. But he forced himself to concentrate on relaxing each of his muscles in turn. When his heartbeat settled into a calmer tempo, he turned and swam toward the Tower's shadow. He felt a soft jolt as Raven's presence left his mind.

Reaching the rocks, he shifted back into human form and reached for Raven's offered hand. She pulled him from the water and he flopped onto the shore, completely drenched, breathing heavily.

"Are you okay."

Beast Boy noticed how serious her voice was, without even a hint of sarcasm. "Yeah, fine" he coughed reflexively. He turned to sit facing the waves, avoiding eye contact. In all honesty, he wasn't sure he was okay, but he didn't know how else to answer. After a moment he asked "What was that?"

"My best guess? A mild case of depersonalization."

…

"It's a normal response to stress. Though for most people it doesn't include spontaneously changing species. Just feeling disconnected from the world, and like your body's not yours."

Oh. That actually seemed to fit. Relief washed through him as he realized he probably _wasn't_ having a reaction to the drugs, or about to turn into a thoughtless monster. He was just incredibly stressed. Still incredibly stressed.

Raven took a seat next to him, settling onto the rocks. He could feel her watching him, as though she was expecting something. Eventually he turned to look at her.

"Is this about what happened last night?" she said somewhat bluntly.

He cringed, then nodded, trying to find words. "Yeah, it's just … I don't know what's going on with me anymore. We know that I can transform without realizing it, run around town without even remembering anything, maybe even hurt people and not know until later. If Cyborg's antidote isn't right, then any second now I could change. I have no way to predict it. No control over what happens. Maybe I can make things better by holing up in the hospital with a bunch of monitors, but even that doesn't make things okay or safe." He realized he was working himself up again and concentrated on taking deep breaths instead.

Raven nodded. "That makes sense. Sometimes it's terrifying to realize things are outside your control."

She raised one hand, using her powers to levitate a few individual chips of rock from the shelf in front of them. They danced on top of the water, forming a series of abstract patterns. Beast Boy had a sudden burst of insight.

"Has this happened to you before?"

"Early on. It's easy to dissociate when part of your consciousness is already outside of yourself." She gestured toward the rocks, each encased in a thin layer of blackness – her soul projections. Beast Boy nodded in understanding.

"If you want I can keep an eye on you. Check in to make sure you're doing alright. Part of being an empath means I don't need a bunch of technical equipment to make sure your brain's okay."

That was a thought. No noisy equipment or hospital smells. He might regret it once they were fighting again, but right now that didn't seem to matter.

He suddenly thought of the aftermath of the Malchior incident, when Raven had rushed into his arms for a tight, comforting hug. He doubted he was allowed to reciprocate – Raven could be kind of finicky about touching. But maybe…

He slouched over and carefully leaned to his right, his arm gently bumping against Raven's. Just that tiny bit of contact. Just this once.

"Sounds like a good idea," he whispered, eyes still cast downward. She nodded without pulling away, and a thought occurred to him. "Are you going to tell Robin about this?"

"If he asks I'll let him know you're worried, and that I've agreed to check in on you from time to time. It's not so different from his experience with hallucinogenic powder a few months back, so I bet he'll understand."

"Oh," Beast Boy blinked. "I hadn't thought of that."

"Like I've said, with all the crazy things this team has to go through, this isn't even that weird."

"I guess."

Raven wrapped one arm around his shoulders, draping her cloak across his back in the process. "You're going to be okay," she whispered.

In that moment, Beast Boy finally felt the last of the tightness in his chest relax. He believed her. It was all going to be fine.


End file.
